Well 11 hours sleep in 72 hours isn’t too bad, is it? I’m in agonising pain rn though. Spent 7 hours yesterday shifting all my stuff from my old flat to my new flat. Thought it’d be a 2 hour job since the new flat is situated in the next building to my old one. But hell no. I think it was about 50 trips back and forth. Need to stress that there was a flight of stairs I had to climb each time. I have way too much stuff. Hate being a hoarder but I really can’t help it. It’s a force of a habit. My parents offered to help but I didn’t want them going through my stuff. Didn’t know how much alcohol and smoke I had sitting there. I struggled but here I am, I managed in the end all by myself. Had my first meal of the day after midnight which I was happy about. Ended up sleeping for 3 hours. And woke up to the most terrible pain in my legs and back. I was limping when I got up. Tried to get some rest but it hurts every time I toss and turn in bed.

Really want to sleep right now but I keep getting nightmares. Gave up after 2 hours of trying. It felt so real though. I thought I was hallucinating in the nightmare. But it turned out to be real. Stuck in an illusion. I broke out of it when my ears suddenly became super sensitive and focused in on the music I left on which caused me to jerk out of sleep. It happens so frequently to me, I hate it. It hurts so much. I fear sleep. I hate how I’m not in control. How I can’t choose what I want to dream. I try to stay awake for as long as I physically can which usually means I get into a really bad sleeping pattern. Sleep gradually takes over me anyway. I try to fight it but it possesses me. Consumes me. It’s scary. I don’t know if I’ll wake up to see the next day.

I made myself a pomegranate and mango smoothie for brunch, it tastes so good!!! I’m actually happy with myself for once, for getting this far with the healthy eating and exercise. Never managed to go this long in the past when I’ve tried. I feel like treating myself, came across a super cute grunge outfit but I’m so broke. I need a job. Speaking of jobs, I’ve applied for some. I hope I get lucky.


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