I’m dying. There’s only a few hundred thousand butterflies in my stomach right now. I feel so funny. I feel so nervous. I feel jittery. All because of a girl. Which is a first for me. This is so so weird. I feel like I’m dying from embarrassment. I don’t know why I’m feeling embarrassed though, I haven’t even met her yet. I’m meeting her in about 15 hours – yeah, I’m counting the hours down. Fuck. We shared our Spotify playlist with each other. Our music tastes are quite different but there are certain songs, artist and bands that we both like. I saved some songs that I liked from her playlist. And every time I listen to those songs, I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m infatuating over her like crazy. Feel like I’m gonna mess it up tomorrow. And I really don’t want to. Send help pls.

Can I wear a pink dress with grey vans? I’m so unprepared for this! My whole wardrobe is at my other place over 100 miles away ffs. I think I’m just gonna wear what I feel like when I wake up tomorrow. First date is supposed to be casual anyway, right? Not too dressy. So maybe I should scrap wearing a dress all in all. I do wanna impress her though! And a dress hides my thunder thighs. Why am I thinking about it so much? I should just take things as they come. I know what to wear! I’m gonna wear something that’ll make me feel good!

Above all, I’m really nervous about making conversation. Like what the hell fuck do you talk about? We’ve already spoken about everything. Really hope she takes the lead. Otherwise it’ll be a flop. We’re gonna be eating somewhere too, I hate eating in front of people unless I’m used to being around them.  Tomorrow is so outside my comfort zone, I think I might die. I need to smoke or drink, would help so much! People are so much easier when I’m anything but sober. And I don’t know if she drinks or smokes. I kinda hope she does. I hope she dresses nice as well, dress sense means so much to me. Tbh I love her personality so I don’t think her dress sense will mean much. Anyway, I need sleep. Good luck to me for tomorrow.


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